my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize