why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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