I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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