sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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