what day is it and did you see me today?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
