I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize