Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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