I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
