I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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