this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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