Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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