he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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