operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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