1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
