Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
