My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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