the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
