What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i've created a new STD.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
