Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize