I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize