Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
