friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
