; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
