So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this will be a night to untag.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
