There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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