ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I still have a little drunk in my system
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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