he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
