We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
