The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
