How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
