She said her name was "party"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize