Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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