we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
