I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
