This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
