this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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