I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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