I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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