working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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