how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
is that a dick in a sweater?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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