seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
