i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
