oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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