It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
