so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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