I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
