am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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