at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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