had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
