I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize