Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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