Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
