I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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