isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
