Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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