note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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