She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
