Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
