Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
