We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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