I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
