dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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