Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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