i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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