I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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