I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
