So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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