you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone signed my nipple.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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