You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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