she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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