I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
