thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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