i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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