If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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