just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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