do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize