Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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