There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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