Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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