Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have post one night stand depression
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
