tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
