the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
