Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
