i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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