pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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