I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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