I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize