this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
