Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
