is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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