i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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