bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
