I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
