oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize