Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
