Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
