Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
