i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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