What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
