How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
