Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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