Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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